Demons and Shriveled Roses
by Lady Elya
Summary: He needs her. She needs to be needed. Although it is poisonous, it flourishes. Sakura, Gaara, chunin exams.
1. Chapter 1

**Edit: 1. 6. 2015. So I decided to continue this story, but as I feel my writing style has improved, I rewrote this. The tone will be much darker than the original. And also, please tell me if you see any mistakes, I am working without a beta so it's hard to catch 'em all.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

_She was standing in a meadow. Her skin warm under the sunlight, her eyes glimmering in contentment. She hadn't felt that peaceful in a long time and her lips split into a smile._

_It was all gone in an instant. The clouds covered the sun, and the wind picked up. The air thickened with foreboding and her mouth filled with the acidic taste of fear. She looked around frantically, trying to find the source of her fear, trying to still her heart that felt like it could explode. She kept telling herself that she shouldn't be afraid, that she didn't have any reason to be. But it wasn't working and she was shaking. _

_Wind pushed and pulled at her hair and clothes, swirling around her. If it became only a little bit stronger, she knew it would blow her away. And something was in the wind. Small particles of... sand. They brushed sharply against her arms and legs, scratching her. Soon her arms were burning and her white skin was blemished with small lacerations. The sand became an entity in itself, growing bigger and moving on its own. She was afraid._

_The visibility worsened. She tried to shield her eyes, but her arms could hardly move. They were held in a cage of sand and wind, burning in pain. She opened her mouth to scream and sand filled it, rendering it useless. Almost choking her. Her eyes spun around, looking for anything to help. And then she saw them._

_Two black-rimmed, green eyes. They were staring at her intently. She tried to see to whom the eyes belonged, but she couldn't even look properly._

_"Beware..."_

_The whispered word fluttered around her and floated away. In the next moment she wasn't sure if it had even existed, and then her legs gave out. Phantom hands squeezed her body, crushing her. She succumbed to the pain, and fell into blackness._

Emerald green eyes snapped open. Sakura lay in bed, still in the grips of the dream. She was disoriented and terrified. Her breathing came in small gasps, and it took her a while to calm herself down. It took her even longer to convince herself that she was at home, in her bed, safe. The dream felt so real, so frightening.

_She had been having nightmares since the mission in the Land of Waves. They were filled with blood and bodies and desperation. And dying comrades. She had asked Kakashi-sensei about them, and he had said it would pass._ It was just trauma, he had told her, and she believed him. After all, on that mission she had felt more stress than ever.

Shrugging, she concluded that this dream was just like all the others, deciding not to ponder on it anymore, carefully ignoring the way her hands still shook a little bit.

Forcefully expelling every thought of the dream from her mind, Sakura got up.

Kunai and shuriken littered the floor, and Sakura tiptoed around them on the way to her wardrobe. She put on her usual outfit – red dress with the Haruno clan circle on it, and black, spandex shorts. A frown adorned her face when she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked too much like a kid, she thought. Hands pinched her cheeks of their own volition, and she hated that she could still feel baby fat. She resolved to train more, but that promise would be empty just like all the other thoughts of improving.

_Then __his__ face entered her mind._

Uchiha Sasuke. Dark and mysterious. Cool and brooding. Love of Sakura's life.

But of late, she felt less enthusiastic about him. She loved him, still, and yet her asking him out felt more like a habit than anything else. But she ignored that, because surely it was just an after effect of the stress and soon he will become the most important part of her life again. She was sure of it. Liking Sasuke was one solid thing in her rapidly changing life, and she wasn't planning on doing anything to change that as well.

With that thought, her actions quickened, all in haste of seeing _her Sasuke-kun _sooner.

Picking up her kunai pouch, Sakura walked out of her room, and went downstairs to the kitchen. She prepared a quick breakfast, not bothering to check if anyone was home. Her parents were working, like always. She didn't see them much, and a pang of loneliness hit her. She could dimly remember times when she had been younger, spending afternoons going to the park with her dad, being enveloped in her mother's arms.

Since she had started her ninja training, all that had stopped. She hadn't wanted to be smothered by their affection, and as her parents were civilians, they simply couldn't understand her. They didn't have anything to talk about, no common ground and they had easily drifted apart. She loved them still, of course, but it was a detached kind of love.

And deeper yet, they were afraid, she knew. They were afraid of that small black envelope that was delivered to unlucky families. Part of her hated them for that, as she had graduated from the academy and she could protect herself, right? They should have faith in her, right?

But another part of her _knew_ they had reasons to be worried. She was an awful ninja, her skills were pathetic. She was ashamed of that, of course she was. She wanted to train more, she really did, but… It was hard. And she would much rather work to get prettier for Sasuke-kun. Because that _was _more important, Sasuke-kun was everything. And so, she ignored those other feelings, the ones that made her feel worthless, and just pretended everything was okay, when some voice deep inside continued telling her to stop being stupid and start taking her life seriously.

As Sakura exited her house, her thoughts drifted to Sasuke again. He rebuffed her the day before, as usual, but she was sure today was the day. The day she would finally go on a date with him. And then they would start dating and she would finally see his sensitive side, that she knew existed under that cold exterior. He would then tell her he loved her, ask her to marry him, and they would have babies with dark hair and dark eyes. They would get a happily ever after, so rare in the shinobi world. She sighed happily as she got lost in her carefully constructed perfect world.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura almost jumped and then blushed in shame, as ninja should always be aware of their surroundings. And she definitely hadn't been. She had arrived at the bridge – team 7 meeting place.

She replied with a distracted "Hey Naruto" while looking around. When she saw Sasuke, she felt the usual butterflies in her stomach. She gave him a big smile and said:

"Sasuke-kun! How are you?"

His reply was the usual, dismissive 'hn'. The rejection stung and Sakura looked down, trying to squish away the sadness. She braced herself and bravely looked up, opening her mouth and then closing it again with a snap. He wasn't even looking at her anymore.

Naruto, who couldn't stand the silence for long started telling her about a new ramen taste, and she turned to him glad for a distraction.

He was so sunny and happy and in a brief moment she wondered why she was always so mean to him. Then she remembered his obnoxiousness and she almost yelled at him. But he seemed so genuinely happy that she was finally talking normally to him, and she couldn't make herself do it.

And that's how the two hour wait for their sensei passed. Sakura and Naruto talking idly with Sasuke standing a few steps away from them, silent.

Suddenly, there was a loud poof, and their silver haired jounin sensei arrived.

"You're late!" shouted Naruto and Sakura simultaneously, as usual, while Sasuke just glared at him. As usual.

"Heh, heh... Sorry I'm late. You see, there was this cat stuck in the tree, and I just couldn't pass by without helping it..." Kakashi trailed off, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

"Liar!" Sakura and Naruto shouted again. The whole thing was ridiculous, Sakura was aware of that, but it was their small team tradition, and she couldn't, wouldn't change it.

Their jounin sensei just shrugged of their complaints, saying:

"I have a mission for you guys," their ears perked at this, but when they heard what the mission was about, the excitement deflated.

Four hours and three missions later, Sakura had had enough. So had Kakashi apparently, because he dismissed them, his parting words being "Instead of doing missions, you should work on your teamwork, it looks like it had gotten lost somewhere along the way from the Land of Waves."

_Sakura wanted to get mad at their sensei for saying that, but all she could feel was sadness and shame. They_ really were horrible. Sasuke and Naruto were at it again, trying to prove who was better. Especially Naruto, who was obviously put out that Sasuke had saved him on the last mission, and now tried everything to prove he was better than the Uchiha, thus ruining their missions. And they were both so concentrated on each other, they ignored Sakura completely.

_Sakura felt like she didn't exist on the team at all. She was always in the background, doing nothing of use, and she was sick of it. Tears welled up in her eyes and she blinked rapidly. She couldn't cry now! _

Then Sasuke turned around and said "I'm going" to no one in particular. All her frustration turned to desperate hope. Maybe Sasuke would finally want to train with her, now that Kakashi told them they _had_ to improve. This was her chance.

"Sasuke-kun, wait! Why don't we work on our teamwork, just the tw-"

Sasuke turned to look at her and she stopped in the middle of her sentence, her mouth left gaping. His gaze was so full of contempt and disdain that her knees almost buckled. Then he said, his tone impassive and bored:

"No Sakura. I don't want to train with you. You are the same as Naruto. Better go practice a jutsu or two."

After a pause, in which his dark eyes appraised her, he said, "Frankly, you are even worse than Naruto."

Saying that, Sasuke left, not looking back.

Sakura felt beaten down after the rejection. She just wanted to curl in her bed and cry. She couldn't understand why she was so undesirable. She did _everything_ to gain his attention, couldn't he see that? She moulded herself to be perfect for him, and he smashed her hopes like that. With a detached sort of surprise, she realized a small part of her was seething. But she was _never_ angry at Sasuke. She blinked slowly, trying to sort through her emotions, but then Naruto spoke:

"Sakura-chan! Forget Sasuke-teme! Let's go train together, the two of us!"

The hot, simmering anger found a perfect outlet in Naruto, and it took all of her self control not to shout at him. She knew it wasn't Naruto's fault, yet her teeth were clenched so hard it hurt. So she was sort of glad when she realised Naruto's attention was not anymore on her but on something behind him.

It was a box, coloured as a rock with two holes in front.

_The anger seeped out of her as she tried to figure out what she was seeing. The camouflage was so ridiculous that she found herself trying to contain laughter._

Then Naruto shouted:

"I don't know who you think you are, spying on me! And I can see right through it! What kind of a rock is a square with two holes anyway?"

The box shook a little, and whispers could be heard. Three kids stepped out of the box, looking sheepish. Two boys and a girl. The boy in front stood grinning proudly, acting overconfident. He had a cape that seemed to be too long for him as he tripped on it and almost fell. The second boy had glasses and snot running from his nose, looking like he wished to be anywhere but there. And the girl looked admiringly at Naruto. The goggles on the first boy reminded her of something, and Sakura dimly remembered Naruto having similar ones when they were younger.

The boy in front said to the other two:

"That's the man I view as my rival!"

_A snort almost escaped her and she quickly covered her mouth. _

Naruto looked at the kids, his interested lost.

"Oh it's just you Konohamaru"

_Sakura was a bit startled at that, wondering how on earth Naruto knew the Hokage's grandson._

Konohamaru looked lightly disappointed at Naruto's lack of interest. Then his face lit up again, and he pointed a finger at the goggles, saying, "Look boss, we're copying you from your younger years."

Naruto still looked unimpressed, and said, "Yeah, yeah. What are you doing here?"

The kid immediately replied, "You promised that today we would play ninja!"

Sakura couldn't take it anymore and a giggle escaped her. Quickly schooling her expression when everyone looked at her, she said, "Uh, Naruto? Why would a ninja 'play' ninja?"

The kids hadn't noticed her before, and Konohamaru looked at her with interest.

"Hey boss, is that your girlfriend?"

"Heh, heh... You brats are very perceptive," Naruto replied, while scratching the back of his head.

Sakura felt her amusement turning into anger.

"Naruto?" said Sakura, smiling sweetly.

Naruto was visibly nervous as he said, "Yeah, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura's voice turned low and menacing.

"You. Are. Wrong!" the last word she screamed while hitting him over the head.

"She hit boss! Run away!" Konohamaru shouted and ran around the corner, his two friends following after him.

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan! I'm sorry!"

Sakura calmed down a bit and said, "Okay, but Naruto, if you say something like that again you _will be_ sorry!"

Naruto gulped. "O-okay Sakura-chan..."

Suddenly they heard a male voice saying, "Ouch! That hurt you little piece of shit!"

The voice was coming from the direction where Konohamaru ran off and Sakura and Naruto quickly went that way to see what had happened.

The scene they walked into wasn't very nice looking. Apparently, in his haste to escape, Konohamaru ran straight into a foreign shinobi. The shinobi had a hood with what seemed to be cat ears, and purple face-paint. He also had something on his back. Sakura spent a few moments trying to identify what it was, but then gave up.

Beside him stood a kunoichi. She had blonde hair in four pigtails and a giant fan on her back. They both had forehead protectors with a symbol that wasn't from Konoha.

_It took Sakura a second to remember what the symbol meant. They were from Suna and Sakura was confused. It wasn't often that Suna shinobi walked around Konoha as the villages weren't allies._

The male shinobi was holding Konohamaru by his collar, and he didn't look like he would let go with a simple apology, but Sakura opened her mouth to say it anyway. Yet, at that moment Naruto decided to snap out of his shock, and to scream, "Hey fatass! Let Konohamaru go!"

They completely ignored Naruto. The girl tried to subdue her companion by saying, "Don't. We'll get yelled at later", but he was paying her no heed. He grinned, showing rows of white teeth.

"Let's play a bit."

The situation was quickly spiralling out of control as Naruto with a shout recklessly ran at the foreign ninja.

_Sakura had an urge to strangle Naruto. The ninjas were obviously stronger than them and he wasn't thinking, at all! Ninjas were supposed to have perfect self-control, and Sakura briefly thought with a twinge of horror that if Naruto was like this, then __how bad did she appear to Sasuke?_

But she was yanked back to the present quickly. With a twitch of the foreign nin's fingers, Naruto fell down. Sakura stared in shock, trying to identify the technique and failing.

The guy scoffed, "Heh. You Konoha nin are weak"

Sakura didn't know what to do and she was starting to panic. She was perfectly aware that there was no way that she could come even close to matching these two in front of her. But she should at least try, at least do something. She realised she was trembling.

"First I'll take care of this brat, and then the other annoying one," said the one holding Konohamaru, shaking him, paying no heed to his scared blubbering.

The girl only shrugged.

"Do what you wish. I'm not getting involved."

Sakura clutched a kunai, her knuckles turning white. _She didn't want to be a coward, she wanted to help. She really did. So why wasn't she moving? Why was she frozen in place? A drop of sweat dripped from her chin to the floor. Or was it a tear?_

Just as the guy pulled his hand back for a punch, a small rock hit him. Startled, he dropped Konohamaru down. Sakura looked up and everything was okay. Her shoulders sagged down in relief. Breath left her, breath she wasn't aware she had been holding.

"Sasuke-kun!"

He was sitting on a branch on a nearby tree, a few pebbles in his hand.

"What are you bastards doing in our village?" His voice was monotone, but confident.

The foreign guy's face scrunched up in an angry grimace.

"Come down from there. I hate show-offs like you the most"

He unbuckled the wrapped up weapon strapped to his back, preparing for battle. Sakura felt dread clawing at her. The relief she felt when seeing Sasuke slowly evaporated. She was aware Sasuke was strong and of course she had faith in him, and yet… Was he stronger than these guys? She wasn't sure. And they didn't need a conflict right now.

"Kankuro, stop it," a harsh voice suddenly said. "You're an embarrassment to our village."

The command sent shivers down Sakura's spine. The voice was soft as velvet and yet sharp as a blade. She followed the sound of it, and she saw him. Her breath left her and her legs felt weak.

He was standing on a tree branch upside down. His forehead protector showed that he was a Suna nin, just like the other two. He had blood-red hair and a tattoo on his forehead that was a kanji sign for love. He seemed dangerous, too dangerous and her instincts told her to run.

But the eyes are what had captured her attention. They were the eyes of a beast, cold and calculating and cruel. Yet strangely captivating. The same eyes Sakura had seen in her dream. She looked at them, and couldn't look away.

**Thanks for reading, please leave a comment.**

**Elya**


	2. Chapter 2

**Edited 1. 6. 2015.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Also, some conversation I took from the manga directly, so I don't own that either.**

Sakura was standing behind them, and besides, everyone was looking at the redhead. So, she realized with horror, she was the only one who could see the sand. It was erratically slithering around them, and a part of her mind wondered where it had come from. But the larger part of her mind was too preoccupied with icy fear. She could almost feel the sand's harsh touch on her arms and legs. It was just like in her dream and she was again in that meadow being chocked and scratched and killed. The same fear rampaged inside her and she almost screamed. She harshly brought herself to the present but the sand was still there.

She felt panic bubbling up inside her. She tore her eyes from the strange boy to look down at herself. The sand was circling her as well, and as she tried to take a step back, it tightened around her ankle. She was shaking uncontrollably, her mind a complete blank. Her eyes snapped up to face the one she was sure was controlling the terror.

He was staring at her. In a moment she thought he could smell her fear, but that was ridiculous, wasn't it? And yet he was looking at her, his sand was squeezing her and she wanted to cry. Her mind was going into overdrive and she wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere far away, she wanted to be _safe_, wanted it all to stop.

And it did. Maybe she had reached her breaking point, maybe it was something else, but as quickly as it came, her panic disappeared. Sakura knew that the sand was his doing, knew she was in terrible danger. But she wasn't shaking anymore, wasn't on the edge of tears. She was numb and as she looked into his eyes, all she could feel was resignation.

The sand tightened around her ankle, but she didn't scream. She didn't even try to struggle. That wasn't courage, no. She wasn't defiant, or angry. Sakura was just tired, completely wiped out with phantom weariness. She could only look at him and wait for his next move.

He looked surprised and his mask of indifference fell. His walls were back up again the next second, but that one short moment was enough for her to see. She saw a beast in human skin, full of bloodlust, with a desperate, unquenchable need to kill. But she saw something else beneath all of that. A glimmer of vulnerability, a flicker of pain and she had a sudden urge to help him.

It was so ridiculous, a hysteric giggle escaped her.

He couldn't have heard her, no normal person could've (though he was not a normal person, was he?) and still his gaze became tighter, burning her with its intensity. And then she felt the grip his sand had on her weaken, and she could move again.

She almost let out a sigh of relief, but he was still looking at her, his eyes smouldering. She nervously licked her dry lips and for a fraction of a second, his eyes flickered to her mouth, but then his stare was back to her eyes. She felt small and weak. She felt like prey.

But then, he gave an almost unnoticeable shake of his head, as if he was shaking something away. And his gaze slid away from her, to rest upon his companions.

"Losing yourself in a fight. How pathetic. Did you forget why we came to Konoha in the first place?"

His voice startled her. She was dazed and she could feel a dull throbbing at her temples. She had to make an effort to concentrate on what he was saying.

"Listen Gaara, they started it..."

_The other boy's voice shook_. He was visibly afraid of the redhead, and Sakura thought she ought to be surprised, they were teammates after all. But she wasn't shocked by his fear, after what she had experienced, she couldn't expect anything less.

The redhead's raspy voice cut through his team mate's rambling, "Shut up, I'll kill you."

Sakura thought she could see a few drops of sweat on the other boy's forehead.

"I'm s-sorry Gaara..."

"Y-yeah, I'm sorry t-too, r-really sorry," said the girl. Then she turned to the Konoha ninja and apologised again.

A whirlwind of sand surrounded the redhead and he disappeared, reappearing a few seconds later on the ground. He cut off the other two.

"It looks like we came here too early, but we didn't come to play."

His eyes slid to Sakura one more time, but it was only a casual look, and for that she was immensely glad. Then he turned away.

"Let's go."

His teammates immediately followed, not sparing any glances back as well. They looked relieved.

_But Sakura suddenly started to panic. A huge part of her wanted to run home and lock herself in her room until she could be sure they left. But another part of her, a part that had always pushed her to study so much at the Academy, wanted to __know_. Before being a love-struck girl she was perceived as, she had always been analytical, a researcher who wanted to know why. So she wanted to figure that boy out, wanted to understand that glimmer of something else she saw in him. She was fascinated.

It was probably very stupid, and most certainly reckless, as she was well aware, but she couldn't stop herself. So she shouted, "Hey, wait!"

She was surprised at how strong her voice sounded. Much bolder than she felt. And the redhead turned around.

"What?" he said. She tried to figure out what he was thinking by the tone of his voice, but his voice was completely bland and impassive. And yet, still dark and menacing and _powerful_.

Then she realised she had to ask them something. She frantically thought and said the first thing that popped into her mind.

"You are ninja from the Hidden Sand village, right? You may be allied with the Leaf but it is forbidden to enter other villages without permission."

Sakura tried to make her voice sound impassive, but a slight tremor escaped her. Still, she was proud, for she sounded much better than she felt.

She was aware her question was unnecessary. They probably had a good reason they were in Konoha, as they weren't hiding their headbands. Still, now that she started, she had to stick with it.

"State your purpose," she continued, "depending on it, we may be able to let you go."

Sakura thought that the redhead would answer, as he seemed to be the leader. But he just gazed at her. The girl answered, with an ironic chuckle.

"Heh, talk about clueless," she took out a pass from her pocket and held it up do they could see it, "don't you know anything? Yes, we are genin from the hidden sand. We have come to your village to take the chūnin selection exam."

"Chūnin selection exam?" exclaimed Naruto, fight forgotten. He was back to his usual self, sounding excited.

The girl started an explanation about the chūnin selection exam, sounding patronizing. Sakura already knew that, so her thoughts trailed away.

She had managed to keep them from leaving, but she hadn't learned anything. She looked at the redhead again. He was staring somewhere to the distance, looking almost bored. As if he could feel her looking at him, his head turned and his eyes met hers. She shuddered and quickly looked away. She regretted her decision of stopping them from leaving.

Sasuke's voice cut through Naruto's excited shouts, and the Sand girl's exasperated explaining, "Hey, what's your name?"

The girl blushed and Sakura felt a pang of jealousy, but then she saw that Sasuke's gaze was directed at the redhead.

"Sabaku no Gaara."

Sakura shuddered again. His voice was low and harsh.

"I'm also interested in your name?" he said, and Sakura almost thought he was talking to her, but he was returning Sasuke's stare.

Sasuke smirked.

"Uchiha Sasuke."

Two boys stared at each other, and the tension built. They were silently appraising one another, and Sakura began fearing that a fight would break out. And as much as Sasuke looked confident, she was _sure_ he didn't have a smallest chance against Gaara.

But then Naruto's loud voice broke through the tension, and Sakura sighed in relief.

"Hey, what about me, huh?"

"Not interested," Gaara said, and spun around. "Let's go."

Sakura was extremely glad that he didn't look at her. She didn't think she could have handled it.

They were gone. She took a deep breath and tried to expel all the tension from her body, but it didn't work. Small tremors still shook her. She had to leave and curl up in bed and try to forget everything that had happened that day.

"Naruto, Sasuke-kun, I-I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow..."

She didn't receive and answer. She looked back and saw that both of them were concentrated on themselves, deep in thought. Any other time that would have left a bitter tang in her mouth, but she was just glad they hadn't noticed anything.

That night, Sakura couldn't sleep. When she got home, it took a calming bath and a romance book to still her frantic mind. Yet, she couldn't sleep, and every time she closed her eyes she saw that predatory stare. She could almost feel sand brushing against her legs and then she had to force herself to calm down.

Under all of that, she was ashamed. She was a ninja, and she wasn't supposed to be afraid. She was supposed to fight back. But all she could do was cower in fear.

With those thoughts swirling through her head, Sakura lay in bed for hours. Finally, she gave up on sleep. Sighing deeply, she sat up in bed. Thinking about what she could do, she came to a conclusion that maybe a walk would help her clear her head, and make her sufficiently tired, so she could sleep.

With mind made up, she dressed quickly and left the house. The street was empty and strangely calm. The night itself was beautiful with stars shining and a light breeze that ruffled Sakura's hair.

She didn't know where to go, so she just took off in a random direction. The peacefulness of the night calmed her, and her thoughts drifted, finally not fixated on the events of the previous day. She walked around Konoha aimlessly, until she arrived in front of a training ground she had never been to before. She had already been outside for a long time, and thought it was maybe time to go back, when she heard whimpers. They were so quiet that she at first thought she had imagined them, but as they gradually became louder, she tried to find the source.

The training ground was barren and forlorn, and seemed abandoned. Sakura could see a figure crouching near the base of an oak tree, at the far end of the training ground. The scene was a bit eerie, and she shivered.

Her curiosity overpowered her caution, and she approached the tree. She could feel sand crunching under her sandals and a sense of dread filled her. The figure was rocking back and forth. Hands clutched strands of red hair, familiar blood red hair she had seen just earlier that day. She froze.

Icy tendrils of fear gripped her heart. She slowly took a step back, her head already filled with escape plans. But then he let out another whimper, which made her pause. He was in pain, she realised.

"Gaara-san," she whispered, cautiously. The boy gave no indication of hearing her, continuing to rock back and forth and clutch his head. Curiosity flared in her again.

She hesitantly took a step forward and then another, bolder one. On her third step, the sand rose in front of Gaara, blocking her way.

"Stay away from me!" his voice was raw, scratchy.

Sakura almost listened to him, almost ran away. But a part of her couldn't, _wouldn't_ leave a person suffering. She tried to reach him again, but the sand was hard as stone. And even if she did reach him, she wouldn't know what to do, she realised.

She called his name, a little louder than the first time. Then she fell back, startled, as the sand suddenly began moving around him.

She wrestled her fear and panic under control, barely. She rose to a half crouch, took a deep breath, and pushed her hand through the sand. As it was moving, it wasn't as solid and her hand could pass through. The sand was sharp and Sakura hissed in pain, but her hand didn't stop. She managed to reach him, and she gripped his arm. He made a noise, something between a growl and a whimper and tried to shake her hand away. She didn't budge.

"Gaara-san, please, calm down," she said, almost desperately. She didn't know what to do.

At the sound of her voice, his head, finally, snapped up. His eyes bore into hers, sea-foam into emerald, and Sakura almost lost her resolve. But she was too far to back out, and she persisted. His eyes were swirling with so many emotions which she couldn't place; they were almost animal-like.

She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but... Her vision suddenly swam, and her eyes closed, almost against her will.

_A small playground. A little boy sitting on a swing, dejectedly, clutching a ragged teddy bear. He stared at the other end of the playground, his gaze filled with longing._

_There, a lot of other children were playing a game. They were laughing and shouting, not noticing the small figure on the swing._

_Suddenly, one of the boys in the group kicked the ball they were using harder than intended, and it ended on the roof of a nearby building. The kids surrounded the building, but with no way of reaching the ball, shouts of disappointment filled the air._

_Eyes of the little boy followed the ball. He half extended his hand, and sand rose from the ground, collecting around the ball. It rose in the air, then, and glided smoothly right into the hands of the boy on the swings. He stood up, made a few steps forward, and offered the ball to the kids, expression hopeful._

_The other kids at first only stared at him, some trembling. Then the spell broke, and one boy spun around shouting, "It's Gaara, run!" _

_They all frantically followed the first one, running as fast as they could._

_The boy with the ball shouted after them, desperately, "Wait! Don't leave me alone!"_

_The others ignored him. The ball fell to the ground as the boy raised both of his arms, reaching out. Sand followed the path of his hands, pouring after the kids. It crashed into a girl, her cry of pain piercing the night._

_Then the scene changed._

_The same little boy nervously knocking on a door, clutching a paper bag. When the door opened, he extended the bag in front of himself, eyes squeezed shut, whispering out an apology. His eyes quickly snapped open when he heard a bang. The door was shut in his face._

_The scene shifted again._

_The boy repeatedly tried to cut himself with a knife, but a barrier of sand intercepted the blade every time. A man with short brown hair entered the room, finding the child fighting a losing battle with the sand._

_"How does it feel when it hurts?" the boy asked._

_The adult answered him, but the scene already started to fade. The look of love and admiration the boy sent the man was still visible. And also his small smile._

_Then there was a roof. The silver light of the moon illuminated the face of the boy. He was sitting on the edge of the roof, staring at the sleeping city, lost in thought. Seeing movement from the corner of his eye, he spun around, a wall of sand already in place in front of him. It was as thick as concrete, but the kunai aimed at the boy were enveloped by the sand easily. The boy's face contorted in anger, and with a sharp flick of his wrist, kunai flew back at the assassin, followed by the sand. The assassin fell to the ground with a hollow thud. _

_The child's anger seeped out of him, and he almost fearfully stepped to the attacker. He slowly reached out a shaking hand, grasping the cloth that hid the assassin's identity. The young boy's expression slid from fear to shock._

_Disbelievingly, he stared at the person in front of him, the person who tried to kill him._

_"Impressive, Gaara-sama," the man softly said._

_The boy's eyes opened even more, and then snapped shut. He screamed, a high-pitched, boyish scream that conveyed beastly, unimaginable pain. Betrayal._

_He fell to his knees, and then curled into a foetal position, hands pulling at his hear. Tears rushed out of his eyes, falling to the floor, mixing with the man's blood._

_"Yashamaru... Why...? Why you...?" he whispered, repeating almost meaningless words, voice weak and trembling._

_"You... You were always... Only you were my..."_

_"I was ordered to assassinate you. By your father, Kazekage-sama," rasped the man, in between coughs that splattered blood down his chin._

_The boy keened softly, tears still running down his face. He was panting, unable to catch his breath, his hands clenched into tight fists. Sand trembled on the ground around them, but didn't rise._

"_You were born to be possessed by the demon Shukaku, however, you are yet unable to control him. We simply couldn't let your existence become dangerous to the village itself."_

_The boy flinched at those words, but something the man said made him look up._

_"But... Then... You were ordered... You had to do it!" corners of his lips curled upwards, in a heartbreakingly hopeful expression._

_"No, you are mistaken," the man said, and the boy froze, "I could have declined the order if I wanted to. Gaara-sama, deep down... I must have always... resented you. You stole the life of my sister. She never wished to give birth to you. She didn't love you, and neither did I."_

_The boy was by then shaking, strong tremors wracking his body. Sand on the ground shook as well, in resonance with the boy. Still the man on his deathbed soldiered on._

_"Gaara-sama... Your mother gave you that name, as a demon who loves only himself. She wanted you to live only for yourself. Fight only for yourself."_

_The man coughed again, as more of his life left him._

_"You were never loved."_

_The man's eyes met the boy's, disbelieving eyes clashing with resigned ones._

_"That is it. Please die," he struggled out, in a breath. He didn't breathe again. _

_For a second the boy stared dumbly at the corpse, at the unseeing eyes that once regarded him with love._

_Then the body exploded, tags planted on the man's chest activating._

_When the smoke cleared, the boy remained where he was, surrounded by a globe of sand. The explosion hadn't touched him._

_He let out a sound that was between a moan and a growl. Then his head rose, and he roared. _

_The sound was more animal than human, and it conveyed in part pain and in part anger. But it was more than that. It represented a person descending into madness._

_The sand rose, reared as if sentient, and then poured down. It cut into the boy's forehead savagely, but precisely. When it rose, a bloody tattoo was carved there, kanji for love. Blood glistened on the moonlight, pouring down the boy's face, mixing with his almost dried tears. The wound healed quickly, but the scar remained. Representing his first physical injury, but also something more._

_It represented a death of a boy, and a birth of a monster. _

_The scene faded from view, but another didn't appear._

_Instead, small glimpses and impressions spun through the darkness._

_Dead bodies falling, blood, pain, anger, hatred, blood, squishing the pain, endless days of existence. Whispers of destruction stronger every day, not fighting them but following them. Fighting everything else killing everyone and crushing and liking it. Screams of pain, eyes filled with fear and loathing. Liking the killing, revelling in it. Something akin to love rising every time a life left a body. Blood everywhere on his body, not his blood but does it really matter whose blood it is if it's red and warm and comforting. No more pain on the surface, just enjoyment and death. More whispers becoming orders when he didn't listen to them but he did because he loved them and he loved the killing and he loved his existence and he was goodgoodgood not bad but powerful and he had a reason to live he didn't need anyone. And more blood it's always there inside and outside it's his everything is his he is powerful. He had the voice the whispers and the killing and the blood and the screams and the blood and _

Sakura opened her eyes with a start, a scream caught in her throat. She was trembling and her hands were clammy. She wasn't sure where she was, she was disoriented and her head was pounding with an awful headache. She swayed, falling to her knees from the crouch she was in. Sakura bit her lip so hard that blood trickled down her chin, but it helped her ground herself. Soft grass woke her to reality, and she realised she was still in the park, kneeling in front of Gaara. Then with growing horror she remembered what she saw, what she _felt_.

The onslaught of information expelled all the breath out of her and she wheezed, but her thoughts were too preoccupied. It was all so horrible, so appalling and so foreign to her; she didn't know what to do.

The world swayed and panic filled her. She dug her blunt nails into the soft earth, but her trembling only intensified. Her teeth chattered, and she shook her head back and forth, trying to expel the memories, trying to forget. Wishing she had never walked out of bed that night, had never met the redhead in front of her, had never become a ninja. _She couldn't deal with this, she didn't know __**how**_.

Preoccupied with her panic, she almost didn't hear a raspy groan. But she did, and eyes that she hadn't even known were closed snapped open.

Gaara was looking at her, the haze of unconsciousness in his stare clearing. Confusion turned to anger, his expression contorting in rage.

"What have you done to me?" he roared, sand rising around them.

"N-no..." Sakura shook her head frantically, "I didn't, I didn't _do_ anything."

Her whole body trembled.

If Gaara heard her, he didn't give any indication. He bared his teeth in rage, and sand surrounded Sakura.

"You did something to me. I'll kill you!"

"No!" Sakura repeated, and something inside of her snapped. She had reached her breaking point, and she started shouting, words tumbling out of her mouth.

"I didn't want this! I don't want this! I... I don't want to know your past or your reasons. I didn't _need_ an explanation. I can't deal with this! You should be a monster; I don't want to understand you! _Why did you show me?_"

At one point she started crying uncontrollably, almost in hysterics. Her whole body shook, tremors that wracked her even stronger than before.

Suddenly spent, Sakura's shoulders slumped, and she curled into herself.

"I shouldn't want to help you," she said helplessly, so quiet that she wasn't sure he heard her. She hoped he hadn't.

She wanted to stand up, to escape to her room, hide in her bed and forget everything. But she was just so tired. And so she remained. She hugged her legs to her chest, buried her face in her knees, and small sobs escaped her.

Through Sakura's monologue, Gaara stayed silent. He stared at her, body frozen, sand unmoving. His breathing was ragged, and anger still dominated his features, but it was laced with confusion. When Sakura quieted, his head cocked to a side, as if listening to something.

After a time, the flow of Sakura's tears ebbed, and her sobs stopped. She slowly raised her head and met Gaara's gaze. Tears made her face shine in the moonlight. She felt resigned.

"What are you waiting for?'' she said in an almost whisper. Gaara's mouth opened for a fraction of an inch, but he didn't reply.

"Go ahead," Sakura continued, "kill me. I know too much now, right?"

A part of her screamed at her to run, but a larger part just wanted it all to end. So she closed her eyes and braced herself, tensing. Even then, when she heard his voice she flinched.

"Are you not afraid?" Gaara asked, voice hesitant as if he couldn't believe that it was him who said it. Sakura looked at him, but his expression was unreadable.

"I'm terrified", Sakura confessed, voice trembling.

"Why don't you hate me, then?" Something in his gaze hardened.

"I-I don't know. I guess I understand you too well now to be able to hate you," Sakura said honestly. The night's events drained her, and she was too numb to control what she said. Absently she thought she might be in shock.

At her answer, Gaara's eyes widened for a second, after which his face was back to being unreadable. Sakura almost thought she had imaged the boy's expression of surprise. He was stoic, all traces of anger gone, and it made Sakura shudder.

Gaara cocked his head again, listening to something she couldn't hear, and Sakura froze. He was talking to his demon, she realised. _Shukaku_, her mind unhelpfully provided. It must be so frightening to have a demon be able to talk to you whenever. She clenched her fists. She _should_ stop feeling bad for him. He was a monster, and he was going to kill her. But she couldn't make herself stop.

"He likes you."

Sakura's head snapped up. She couldn't believe what she had heard. Gaara was looking at her with an expression she couldn't place and she opened her mouth to say something, but she changed her mind and closed it with a snap.

Gaara shook his head as if clearing it, and disappeared in a swirl of sand.

Sakura looked dumbly at the place where he had just been sitting. She slowly blinked, trying to sort out through her spinning emotions.

She was alive, she detachedly realised. She didn't really want to die, but he should have killed her, she was so sure. And he just... left.

She slowly stood, as her thoughts spun in circles. It was late, she realised, really late. So much time had passed and she wasn't sure how.

Sakura couldn't process everything that had happened, too much had and she was too tired. So she forcefully blanked her mind, and headed home. When she arrived, she headed straight to bed and instantly fell asleep, not noticing particles of sand that moved when she had stepped over them.

**Thank you for reading, please tell me what you think! This probably has a few mistakes, point them out if you see them.**

**Elya**


	3. Chapter 3

**For old readers (if there are any left): please note that I upped the rating to the story, and changed quite a lot plotwise in the first two chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own.**

Sakura woke to her alarm clock beeping loudly. She slowly sat up in bed, wondering why her head felt so heavy.

She wanted to go back to sleep, but she had to meet her team. The bad feeling in her head remained, and she squeezed her eyes shut trying to expel it, but instead memories of the previous night blossomed. She blanched.

Sakura wrestled her growing panic under control. She couldn't lie to herself, she was in trouble, but in the warm morning sunlight she could allow herself to be optimistic. At least she was alive, right? She just had to forget what she had seen, and to make sure she would never see Gaara again. The latter shouldn't be hard, as he was from Suna and wouldn't stay in Konoha for long. It was the former that made her pause. How could she forget, how could she ignore all that she had seen the previous night? Now that she wasn't overwhelmed with information, she had to admit to herself that she didn't regard Gaara as a monster anymore.

She shook her head. That didn't matter, at all. Previous night felt almost like dream. She remembered it through a haze of horror, details lost, and she _wanted_ to forget it. A few hours of sleep hadn't changed that. She didn't want that kind of knowledge about a stranger, a stranger that could kill in a heartbeat. Sakura wasn't an evil person by any means, but she wasn't Naruto. She remembered their encounter with Zabuza, how Naruto talked to him, how he saved him in a way. She wasn't like that, and she told herself that she couldn't go on helping every person that needed it. She strengthened her resolve and squashed that small urge that wanted to help him. She wasn't even sure she could.

Absently realising she still had on her crumpled clothes from the day before, Sakura made her way to the shower, yawning, lost in thought. She knew she had to concentrate on herself, Gaara wasn't her responsibility and besides, she wanted to live.

Letting out another huge yawn, Sakura entered the shower, and turned the knob as high as it could go. Steaming hot water scalded her body and helped her clear her mind. Her thoughts drifted aimlessly and she sighed in contentment.

Too soon she had to leave the shower. Glancing at the time, she realised she would be late, so she quickened her dressing process, forgoing blow drying her hair.

Not feeling hungry, Sakura left without breakfast shouting a quick goodbye into the empty house. On the way to the bridge, her thoughts returned to Gaara almost of their own volition. How hard it must be for him, she thought, to live like that. She couldn't imagine that kind of life. She had had a short glimpse into his head, and it was already too much for her. It made her be grateful for her calm life, but also a bit ashamed. For she had had it so easy, but she hadn't used it as an advantage. She was weak.

Sakura again almost didn't notice that she had reached the bridge, but she shook off her thoughts in time. She was the last one there, as she had expected. But then she saw Sasuke, and she stopped short, disbelieving. She hadn't thought about Sasuke-kun even once. She had _always_ thought of him while she got ready, thinking of the best way to look pretty for him. But he hadn't crossed her thoughts, even once. He was the love of her life!

She had to stop thinking about last night's encounter. It wasn't important, Sasuke-kun was what was important, and he was her future. And Sakura would make sure that her thoughts about Gaara would stay forgotten in her past, where they belonged.

Taking a deep breath, and hoping the boys hadn't noticed her pause, she smiled at Sasuke.

"Hello Sasuke-kun! How are you?" she said, proud that her voice sounded chipper.

Sasuke looked at her, unimpressed. Then he turned around and slouched, hands in his pockets, his refusal obvious. Sakura's shoulders slumped. Sasuke's usual rejection stung less than usual, but she didn't think much of it. She was just still too preoccupied, that was all. She would snap out of it soon.

Naruto grinned at her, but it seemed she had arrived in the middle of another argument, because he immediately turned to Sasuke and shouted something Sakura didn't really care to listen to.

She sighed and sat down, leaning against the bridge railing. Even if she had been a bit late, she still had more than an hour and a half to wait for their sensei, if she could count on his usual time to be late. And if nothing else, Kakashi-sensei was at least on point with his lateness – he _never_ arrived less than two hours after the appointed time.

The sun warmed her skin, and peacefulness filled her. Sakura was reminded of the fact that she had slept only a few hours the previous night as she slowly dozed into sleep.

_Suddenly, Sakura felt the harsh, but oh-so-familiar feeling of sand on her skin. She wanted to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt heavy, and she was just so tired. She could hear whispers, laced with scorn and fear: "Monster-child… Get away from him… He's not safe… Demon… Abomination…"_

_And underneath it all, one word, a quiet mantra. At first, she couldn't figure out what it said. But it was gradually gaining in volume. She could hear it. She felt scared, horrified, but she could also feel a longing, an animalistic need. The cold, hard whisper of a thousand voices, filled with sweet promises of retribution and suffering for others, calling, begging, ordering to be followed._

"_Kill", it whispered, promising rapture. "Kill", it ordered, threatening pain. "Kill", it said, and Sakura wanted to listen. She wanted to give in, to feel the promised bliss, to bring pain and death, to feel alive._

"_Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, ki-"_

"Sakura-chan! Are you ok?"

Sakura opened her eyes with a start. She jerked upright, wildly looking around, breathing harsh and uneven. The remnants of the dream almost made her teeth chatter, but the warm morning sunlight helped her calm her beating heart.

Looking around up, she saw both of her teammates staring at her. First her eyes met Sasuke's, but something in his eyes, that were filled with such harshness when regarding her, reminded her of her dream, and she almost flinched. She quickly averted her eyes, and met Naruto's gaze, who was looking at her worriedly. Then she remembered he had asked her something, and carefully clenching her hands to hide the tremors, she said,

"Uh, so-sorry Naruto. I didn't hear you… What did you say?"

"You were acting kinda weird. You feel asleep and then you started muttering something over and over again and you looked like you were having a nightmare so I decided to wake you up," Naruto said in one breath, still looking worried.

Sakura felt a cold shiver gliding down her spine.

"What… What was I saying?" she asked, dreading the answer.

"I really couldn't hear you, but-"

"You were saying 'kill'. Why, Sakura?" Sasuke interrupted, his voice impassive, but with eyes probing.

"O-oh. It was, it was nothing. Just had a bad dream is all. I didn't sleep well last night".

They didn't look convinced, and Sakura was starting to get uncomfortable. She didn't know what else to tell them. Telling the truth didn't even cross her mind, it wasn't an option. Almost panicking, she didn't know what came over her when she blurted:

"Sasuke-kun, why don't we go to lunch after this?"

Remembering herself, she stretched her lips into a smile, hoping it looked sincere, "I'll tell you everything about my dream then!"

"Hn. No, Sakura, I will not go to lunch with you," with those words Sasuke turned around, interest lost.

Worry also disappeared from Naruto's eyes, and Sakura almost sighed in relief, but caught herself in time. She couldn't believe what she had just done. It had helped but... She had never used her crush on Sasuke-kun like that. It was manipulative in a way and she almost felt disgusted with herself.

"Good morning, my favourite students! Sorry I'm late; today I got lost on the road of life."

Kakashi's arrival snapped Sakura out of her thoughts, and she was almost glad for the interruption. Thanks to it, she didn't have to think anymore about what she had just done; she was afraid of what she would find if she looked for motivations for her actions.

"Liar!" Naruto shouted, but Kakashi paid him no heed.

"Anyway, I know this is sudden, but… I nominated you for the chūnin exams! Here are your applications," he said, handing them three slips of paper.

"Chūnin exams?" Sakura blurted out, shocked.

"Kakashi-sensei, I love you!" Naruto said, jumping up and down. Then he ran up to, and promptly hugged Kakashi.

Even Sasuke looked pleased, staring at his application thoughtfully.

Kakashi finally managed to shake off Naruto.

"Don't get too excited. This is just a nomination. Whether you take the exam or not is up to each of you. Those who wish to participate should sign those papers and turn them in at room 301 by 4 o'clock tomorrow. That is all."

His last words rang in the air as he did the transportation jutsu, not waiting for an answer.

Sakura was dumbstruck. She stood staring at the spot Kakashi stood a few moments before, her thoughts spinning in circles. There was no way they could participate in the chūnin exam, they had just graduated from the Academy, they weren't ready! Only, if the thought honestly, she was just projecting. She was the only one who wasn't ready.

When Kakashi had said that participation was optional, her first reaction had been to forget it ever happened, and stay in bed the whole day tomorrow. But some reckless part of her wanted to compete. She wanted to prove to Naruto and Sasuke, and even to herself that she was good enough. Strong enough.

But was she? She wasn't sure.

And there was another thing that she was avoiding thinking about. Gaara and his team were participating in the chūnin exams. This was making all her plans crumble. She wanted to avoid Gaara at all costs, but if she participated, she would have to face him. She might even have to fight him, in which case she could die, easily. She knew she hadn't a fighting chance, and she had no doubts that he had no qualms about killing. She shuddered. She didn't want to die.

Looking up, Sakura realised that Naruto and Sasuke were leaving. Naruto was giggling to himself and giddily saying "chūnin exams" repeatedly. Sasuke looked lost in thought, his eyes calculating. She stared at their backs, as each step took then farther away from her. Like always, she thought bitterly.

She didn't want to be the team weakling. She didn't want to be a coward. But if that meant facing Gaara, could she do it?

The day was passing quickly for Sakura. Too quickly. It was late afternoon, and she still hadn't decided whether she would participate in the chūnin exams. Her pride wouldn't let her give up, but self preservation told her that she would get hurt. Or worse.

She had decided to train, as she thought it might clear her head and help her make a decision. But after a while she just kneeled panting in front of the targets, spent. Her meagre chakra reserves were gone after a few substitution jutsus she had tried, her low stamina even lower after a sleepless night and she wanted to cry. In the Academy, she had always done what was asked of her, but never more. In the real world, that wasn't enough, as she was beginning to realise.

She pushed back the tears that started welling up in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. She clenched her fists, stood up and picked a kunai.

After a few hours, Sakura could hardly catch her breath, and her legs were trembling. She hadn't given up at least, for that she was proud, but still, she wasn't an inch closer to her decision. Sighing, she headed home.

She took a longer route home, wanting to think some more. She _had_ to decide, she knew, but it was just so hard. She wanted to become a chūnin, wanted to prove that she could do it. But, she was afraid. That was the root of the problem, she realised. She was weak, yes, but so was Naruto. And he rushed headlong into every battle, and he somehow always prevailed. It was a blow to her pride to admit that she was envious to Naruto. And yet she couldn't make herself decide to enter the chūnin exams, she was afraid of pain, afraid of dying.

Sakura was so lost in her musings, that she almost missed a lone figure sitting on a rooftop of a nearby building. Still it caught her eye, and she turned her head in a casual look, but red hair made her look again. And she froze.

She told herself she should run away, but she felt like she was rooted to the spot. She screamed at her legs to move, he hadn't seen her yet and she could still avoid an encounter. If only she moved.

His head snapped around. She flinched.

Her legs unlocked and she took a step back, but it was too late. In the next instant, Gaara stood in front of her, a few flakes of sand drifting in the wind from his transportation jutsu. His stare was magnetic.

A feeling of... something ignited inside her stomach and spread like wildfire, ending at the tips of her fingers and toes. She tingled.

''See you in the exams'', he said, voice even. Sakura stared at him, confused. He looked completely in control, but Sakura could sense a harder edge. She could feel that he was boiling under the surface. Only she wasn't sure from what.

She looked down, still not knowing what to say. She could see a microscopic twitch in his fingers. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, composing herself. When she looked again, he was gone.

Head reeling, Sakura headed home. She couldn't make sense if the encounter, so she tried to keep it out of her mind, instead concentrating on what she should prepare for the exam.

Only later did she realise that she hadn't anymore thought about not going to the exam.

**So... yeah, that's that. I'm back from a looong hiatus and we'll see how this goes. Sorry that it's short, I'm still trying to get back into writing.**

**I plan on this being dark, so beware. Yet, who knows, stories tend to get away from the author. In any case, I hope you liked it, and please live a comment.**


End file.
